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“One of the most important things in the treatment process is learning that you have rights, you have limits, you get to say no,” says Hudson.Sex and relationship addicts can be so accustomed to accepting “crumbs,” as de Guzman put it, that they may not know how to leave a relationship that doesn’t feel good.She described her addiction as “having sex with people I would not have lunch with” and “sitting and obsessing and fantasizing and making up scenarios in these big complex romantic fantasies.”Riley thinks her sex addiction flew under the radar in part because society sort of expects—if not outright encourages—obsessive relationship behavior in women.

But this "boy-craziness" didn’t stop in her teenage years, or her 20s, or even her 30s."I believed that that was all I was good for."Throughout her 20s, she assumed other straight women were reacting or feeling the way she did with men and that “all that guys would want from me” was sex.So she used sex as “a tool,” in her words, to keep men close to her.But while movies and music nearly always have a happy ending, Riley’s reality was much different: “I was spending much too much time balled up on the floor in the fetal position, clutching my belly, just wanting to die because some guy hadn’t called me back.”At age 42, after getting clean from a cocaine addiction, Riley eventually realized the anguish she felt over parting ways with a man was lasting “longer than the so-called relationship,” she says.“I would date someone for six weeks and I would suffer over it for six months.

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